Baby, I'm like _____

Optimus Nerd is fantastic with comparisons and hyperboles; as an English teacher, I appreciate his colorful speech. I use hyperbolic speech every single day.  And now I hear crickets chirping, but at least I'm laughing on the inside, right?  Oh dear...


Anyway, apparently he sees himself as the heroic protagonist of every film, novel, cartoon, and video game he enjoys.  I often hear sentences that start like this: "Baby, I'm like Sherlock Holmes; I'm brave and quick." or "Baby, I'm like Gotrek; I'm tough."  And that's when I roll my eyes.  Insert groan here. 

But sometimes, he'll include me in the mix.  He must think I feel left out or something, because I hear these lines all the freakin' time: "Baby, you're like the Silk Spectre I to my Comedian."  Unfortunately, I don't always end up as a girl.  He once compared us to Sherlock Holmes and Watson, but he said that was because Rachel McAdams' character was a trampy whore who avoided commitment. (Actually I said that, but he did agree with me). Watson is obviously way more committed.  Clearly.  Hopefully he sees some sort of underlying romantic connection between the two.  


So by now you've all figured out that nerdy bf has a gargantuan sized ego, way bigger than the word "gargantuan."  He sees himself as a hybrid of all sorts of fictional super heros, and other "save-the-day" type male protagonists.  He also sees himself as suave and charismatic, but I will admit that his smooth moves helped sweep me off my feet.   Optimus Nerd is like a gift to all mankind; he's swift like Superman, brave like Batman, and fucking sexy like Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man/Sherlock Holmes.  I bet he'll swoon when he reads this. 

Now don't get me wrong; Mr. Nerdtastic is actually brave, smart, funny, and handsome too. But the comparisons make me chuckle inside every time.  My picture of the stereotypical nerd is awkward and usually of the virgin persuasion.  I see someone with glasses who lives in their parent's basement and can't talk to women.  


I guess I should be thankful my Optimus Nerd is definitely the opposite, and has a healthy ego to boot.  After all, I'm like Mary Poppins; I'm practically perfect in every way. 

Boosh.